Pride in a Bindi – A Tale About Allyship and Action
Lavanya took absolute pride in who she was but that day was different. As she looked intently at her reflection in the mirror the voices in her head pestered her to question her identity – ‘Would they ever accept me as a woman?’ She had battled through years of gender dysphoria and knew she had to pull herself up from the vicious cycle of self-questioning and doubt. While society had harassed her into being silent about her feelings and expression, her ‘Bindi’ was a silent declaration, a loud resistance even, about her identity as a transwoman. As she put on a Bindi, feeling grounded in her femininity, she knew she was ready to face the world again. To give the corporate world yet another opportunity to show that it values its social responsibility.
It was Lavanya’s first day at a new firm. As she was commuting, she got flashbacks of the harassment and discrimination she had faced in a corporate workplace she had previously resigned from. She vividly remembered the times when opportunities were denied to her because of her gender. The microaggressions that she had faced on a daily basis had turned into harassment that her organization did not bother to look into. To her surprise, they would say, “You are not really a woman, we don’t know how to take your complaint ahead.” As if the template of harassment was only applicable to females assigned at birth.
She was really passionate about her work but not many could go past her identity as a transwoman. Being Queer becomes a cataract when you start working in the corporate world. People find it difficult to see a person beyond their queer identity and to acknowledge their identity as an artist, worker, and efficient employee. Lavanya felt heartbroken when she realized she was only seen as an LGBTQ+ person recruited to fill a diversity checkbox.
These memories were still vivid in her mind and it was hard to snap out of them into the present. This time Lavanya had dug deep into the diversity policies of the firm she was joining and had a better feeling about it. At the same time, she was aware that just putting inclusive words on paper did not ensure safety for a Queer person unless the organization took active and continuous initiatives toward inclusivity.
As she stepped into her new office with renewed hope, she was greeted by her colleagues with a respectful demeanor. She spent her first few days in the induction where she was delighted to notice how even the top-level executives were sensitive about pronouns, gender-neutral language, and addressing her correctly. These little things were proof that conversations around gender and identity had been taking place in the organization for a while. For the first time in her professional journey, she felt that her gender was respected along with an acknowledgment of the required boundaries. Her identity was not a topic of unnecessarily elongated chai-time discussions.
Unfortunately, just when Lavanya found herself settling into the culture and environment of her new workplace, she was faced with a situation that left her disillusioned. The day when she was feeling the most comfortable in a saree was also when she felt the most threatened. While she was in the ladies’ washroom adjusting her bindi, the washroom attendant gazed fixedly at her and blurted out, “You shouldn’t wear a saree, you will look good in a shirt and pants”. As apathetic as it was, she was filled with dread at the thought that she was yet again in a space where her gender was taboo. While this was not the first time she found herself in such a situation, she felt exhausted from having to keep proving her identity as a woman over and over again. As she returned to the desk, she greeted her colleague softly, still processing what had happened.
The next day when Lavanya came into the office, she faced a dilemma as to what she should do about it. She knew from her prior experience that such microaggressions advance and make it difficult for her in the long run. She also remembered when she had to resign from her job because the management denied paying heed to the constant harassment and bullying that she was subjected to daily. She was just starting to be hopeful about her new job when she was presented with yet another incident like that.
Just then she saw the washroom attendant accompanied by other housekeeping staff come out of the training room. This time the attendant gave her a gentle smile instead of a cold stare. Lavanya was puzzled as to what had happened when she was called in by the HR team. As she sat across from them, they said, “We know what happened yesterday in the washroom. One of our employees was present there and reported it to us. We are genuinely sorry that you had to face such an uncomfortable situation. In our efforts of sensitizing the top and mid-level employees, we missed taking the other staff that you may have to interact with into account. We have learned from it and will try our best to avoid a situation like this again”.
There was a gender and empathy sensitization training that was taking place for the housekeeping staff. Lavanya was humbled by the effort that the organization had taken to ensure that the complaint was looked into immediately. She was also grateful for the fact that a colleague had chosen to be a responder and had genuinely been an ally to her. Lavanya and the team discussed other initiatives that could have taken place to make Queer employees feel safer in the office. They talked about making the infrastructure more inclusive, collaborating with vendors to be more LGBT+ inclusive, having regular discussions around the topic, and also having mental health resources for them.
DEI is a journey. Authentic conversations are needed to create best practices that nurture growth amongst employees and within the company. It can’t just be about identity inclusion and profits but also about understanding personal stories and the needs of a diverse population. Lavanya’s firm acknowledged that employees at all levels should have been thoroughly sensitized a while ago and taken action immediately. It is also equally important to not be a passive bystander when we witness any microaggression, discrimination, or harassment meted out to an LGBTQ+ member.
Today, Lavanya adorns her beautiful sarees and what she calls her strength – her Bindi. Not that she doesn’t fear being marginalized because of her identity wherever she goes but now she knows that she will find support. Sometimes from unexpected quarters and sometimes from a complete stranger. Sometimes from you.
Based on a compilation of real-life incidents.
Author Details : Rumi A.K.A. Mx. Ria sharma
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