Sexist jokes and derogatory comments about women are often disguised as ‘harmless jokes.’ We encounter such humor in the form of forwards from when we wake up and check our WhatsApp messages to when we work with colleagues. This blog will share some ways to tackle such offensive humor in the workplace, with the help of examples and comebacks. A comeback is a statement that can be used at the appropriate time to stop the teaser in their tracks and discourage them from continuing that behavior.

• Why is it important to discourage the teaser and not just “ignore the joke,” as is normally done and even advised by ‘well-wishers?’

Sexist jokes about women have been normalized for too long. According to the dispositional theory of humor and several studies, not just men but even many women prefer jokes that show them in a poor light. This could be because they have internalized that women are deserving of such disparaging humor. In other words, if some women enjoy such humor, they may subconsciously believe that men are superior to women in many skills and attributes. For instance, if they laugh at a joke suggesting women talk too much or indulge in gossip, they may actually believe this to be true.

Those women who do object are seen as killjoys or bores. Unfortunately, this perception further discourages women from speaking up. This vicious cycle can be stopped if women become aware of appropriate ways to halt male supremacists from spreading misogyny with their so-called ‘harmless jokes.’ 

‘Harmless Joke’ No. 1

Imagine a scenario where a few colleagues are bantering during a tea break, and a male colleague takes a dig at his new female coworker. She is cute and smart and is often the target of his jokes. 

He says, “You can’t trust a woman to do the job. They are too busy gossiping or talking about their nails and hair.” 

When he realizes that he may have offended some women present there, he decides to reel it in by smiling and saying, “Hey! Don’t mind. It was just a harmless joke.”

The question that arises is, “Who decides if a joke is harmless or hurtful?” 

When asked in a reflective tone, it can make the offender quiet and uncomfortable, as they may not have anticipated such a counter-question in front of others. This is an effective way to discourage derogatory comments disguised as jokes by posing a direct question in a thoughtful and non-confrontational voice.

‘Harmless Joke’ No. 2

Let's suppose the man defends his joke by saying, “Hey! Don’t be so uptight. It was just a joke,” or "I was just kidding." 

In such situations, you can respond by keeping a deadpan face and stating, "That wasn’t funny at all."

Teasers and banterers typically enjoy the responses they receive. When they see the woman on the receiving end laughing or smiling, it provides them with the cue to continue. Calling it "not funny at all" will deflate their enthusiasm to continue.

Another common "harmless joke" is, "I don’t know why they hired a woman for this job. She will probably take a bunch of maternity leave and disappear."

It's not only necessary, but it's also effective to call out such jokes using the comeback, "That wasn’t funny at all." Someone must take the initiative to nip these sexist jokes in the bud. If not, these jokes will continue to perpetuate the perception of women as inferior and less professional than men in society.

‘Harmless Joke’ No. 3

Suppose a dense colleague responds to your objection with a dismissive comment like, "Why are women so sensitive? They should learn to take a joke."

If you're at a loss for words or simply don't want to engage further, here's a tactic that almost always works: don't say anything. Instead, let the awkward silence linger. In social psychology, this phenomenon is known as the "social disengagement hypothesis," and it posits that social exclusion, even in the form of silence, can be a powerful tool for changing behavior. By refusing to engage, you can signal that the offending behavior is not acceptable and prompt the teaser to reflect on their actions. In all likelihood, they will feel embarrassed and try to fill the void with something else, but the awkwardness will probably discourage them from making similar jokes in future.

Here are some additional statements you can use to respond to offensive jokes:

1. “I don't find that kind of humor appropriate.”
2. “Making derogatory comments about women isn't funny or clever.”
3. “It's not a joke when it's hurtful and disrespectful to others.”
4. “I don’t get it. Can you explain?” 
5. “That’s against our Code of Conduct.”
6. “Did you really just say that?”

By using these types of statements, you can make it clear that sexist or offensive jokes are not acceptable in the workplace. It's important to remember that joking about gender, race, or other sensitive topics can create an uncomfortable or hostile environment for some people.

• Who should address inappropriate behavior by men in the workplace?

While anyone is capable of doing so, research indicates that the technique is more effective when men call it out. This is possibly due to the fact that when a woman does so, she is often seen as a "vibe-killer." For the same underlying reason, women are frequently the subject of gender-based jokes. Women fighting the cause alone are less likely to be effective than when a man throws his weight behind the "gender contest." Just as men frequently band together to sexually harass a woman, catalyzing the actions due to herd mentality, men standing up against men belittling women have a better chance of halting this behavior.

Calling it a joke doesn't excuse sexism! Let's learn effective and tested ways to address it.

Author: Sumali Nagarajan, AVP - Content & Training, Rainmaker Editor: Akanksha Arora, AVP - Legal & Training, Rainmaker

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